1) i find talking about myself kind of boring 2) i kept expecting him to ask me what I did and at some point it became kind of interesting to see if he could really fill up 2 hrs talking about himself. besides, at that point I wasn't really in the mood to help the guy out.
Daniel Tunkelang
· 2 months ago
I guess I err at the other extreme--I would have looked you up on Google / LinkedIn when you weren't looking and then asked you leading questions. Perhaps there's a happy medium between narcissism and cyber-stalking. :-)
chris dixon
· 2 months ago
Much better to err on your extreme versus the other.
Ryan McKillen
· 2 months ago
Re: your #2, I often find myself playing this game. Thinking, "At some point, he/she has to take a breath and ask me a question, right?" Never ceases to amazing.
And the people who really kill me: "I've gotta get going. I feel bad we didn't have a chance to catch up on what you're up to. Next time for sure." But "next time" is never any different—still all about them.
It's a real shame. People miss out on so much!
ceonyc
· 2 months ago
+1 I'm really disappointed with how little most of my friends know about the people they spend their time with... and also how out of the ordinary people seem to think it is when I ask questions about why they do what they do, how their job works, etc.
chris dixon
· 2 months ago
Agree. I think if you leave, say, a lunch meeting not knowing basics about what the person does for a living, what they did in the past, where they live, a bit about their personal life, where they grew up, what they think is interesting, etc you didn't ask enough questions.
Elie Seidman
· 2 months ago
asking people questions about themselves gives them the opportunity to talk about their favorite subject...
Alan Pritt
· 2 months ago
If possible I like to do my homework too. If I know in advance who I'm meeting I'll try to research what they do and what their interests are. It improves the quality of the questions I ask when we subsequently meet.
chris dixon
· 2 months ago
Absolutely. I'm always surprised when people haven't even done a basic Google search. If you are meeting someone with a startup, it's also nice to learn about it and maybe even try to give some feedback / say something insightful.
Anne Johnson
· 2 months ago
Cultural tolerance for asking people questions varies .. In the UK it is almost always acceptable to open a conversation with a remark about the weather, current or anticipated. Though an acquaintance once said to me "You'd talk to people on trains !"
graysky
· 2 months ago
Very true. This is often a signal when I meet new people about how much I will like them; are they are curious about other people? Always surprising to me how many people don't really do this when meeting new people...
chris dixon
· 2 months ago
I'm often surprised as well.
reecepacheco
· 2 months ago
Great point, Chris. So important. My co-founders sometimes roll their eyes when I start to play the "name game" or make small talk about hometowns when meeting people, but once I do make a connection, it proves invaluable in furthering the conversation/relationship.
alexjmann
· 2 months ago
This was essentially the main theme I took away from Taleb's "The Black Swan," which is seek out serendipity in both business and social circles, because the random outcomes can roll in your favor. I can think of a few instances where the questions I've asked to strangers have allowed me to progress in some fashion.
"In Black Swan terms, this means that you are exposed to the improbable only if you let it control you. You always control what you do; so make this your end."
chris dixon
· 2 months ago
I think Andy Weismann's quote is meant to be very Black Swan.
aweissman
· 2 months ago
Yup lifted directly from the Black Swan serendipity concept
clarke thomas
· 2 months ago
I find it's always better to listen the most & speak minimally. Unless I'm asked a question I don't tend to speak up. It's always more interesting to hear from others who may/not be the foremost expert on whatever. It's also a great way to weed out the BS'ers.
chris dixon
· 2 months ago
Yes, I think it's best to speak just enough to introduce yourself etc but after that you gain more by listening than talking.
DanReich
· 2 months ago
Very wise words. I met my current CEO this way (questions via encounter at a ski resort), who introduced me to Andy W, who enlightened me with these words as well. Funny the way it all works.
Also goes along these lines..“You cannot plan innovation. You cannot plan invention. All you can do is try very hard to be at the right place and be ready” -Eric Schmidt’s Keynote Speech, Carnegie Mellon Graduation 2009
ShanaC
· 2 months ago
I find out all sorts of useful information this way. (Such as there are still a lot of people out there made nervous by the idea of their cell phone making random calls). I tend to like listening and asking questions. It helps to feel like you have a prepared script.
Oddly, something I find out with myself and others- you tend to talk more when you are nervous. Get a list of things you want to talk about, and ask questions about it- it makes both you and the other person feel good. And it makes you feel less nervous too. It really could be anything. Just ask some questions. Even if it is about something you think could be boring. I'm sure your dinner party partner could turn it into something interesting.
(And you learn stuff along the way)
Sharing When Uncool
· 2 months ago
Sir: Agreed--although one arguably has a significantly greater probability of connecting with Bruce Kovner, for example, by discussing his interest in rare books (Caxton the printer) rather than interest rates (Caxton the hedge fund)--
For those not opportunely sitting next to you (or others similarly well established in their respective fields) at dinner, how do you prefer for an interaction with you to be initiated (particularly when the questioner does not yet have the wherewithal to add value to your endeavors, whether professional or personal)? Thanks!
All Comments
2) i kept expecting him to ask me what I did and at some point it became kind of interesting to see if he could really fill up 2 hrs talking about himself. besides, at that point I wasn't really in the mood to help the guy out.
And the people who really kill me: "I've gotta get going. I feel bad we didn't have a chance to catch up on what you're up to. Next time for sure." But "next time" is never any different—still all about them.
It's a real shame. People miss out on so much!
"In Black Swan terms, this means that you are exposed to the improbable only if you let it control you. You always control what you do; so make this your end."
Also goes along these lines..“You cannot plan innovation. You cannot plan invention. All you can do is try very hard to be at the right place and be ready” -Eric Schmidt’s Keynote Speech, Carnegie Mellon Graduation 2009
Oddly, something I find out with myself and others- you tend to talk more when you are nervous. Get a list of things you want to talk about, and ask questions about it- it makes both you and the other person feel good. And it makes you feel less nervous too. It really could be anything. Just ask some questions. Even if it is about something you think could be boring. I'm sure your dinner party partner could turn it into something interesting.
(And you learn stuff along the way)
For those not opportunely sitting next to you (or others similarly well established in their respective fields) at dinner, how do you prefer for an interaction with you to be initiated (particularly when the questioner does not yet have the wherewithal to add value to your endeavors, whether professional or personal)? Thanks!